Systemic constellation is a powerful coaching tool, which is helpful in problem solving, decision taking as well as to achieve goals. But when applied on a regular basis, it is life changing.

It starts with a first Systemic Constellation

You have a problem, and you do your first family constellation. You might solve it in a new and unexpected way. It made you see things differently. And you like it, so you continue.

And without noticing it, you have started to take a new direction in your life. It is a direction of self-discovery. With every new systemic constellation, you learn something new about yourself that you would have not known otherwise. It is unlikely that one constellation will change your life. But many constellations will do.

The process you just started is like “taking the red pill” but very slowly. The process finding out who you really are is not sudden. However, once you are making the first step and you are not afraid to continue, then – to “misquote” John Maxwell – your “growth is inevitable”.

How do you notice it the inner Change?

The change with your surrounding is gradual, so you won’t notice it right away. I can speak on my own experience: During my journey I noticed at some point that my relationship to my parents had improved. They had started accepting that I was living far away, and visits and phone calls had become more pleasant.

Later, I had to take an important decision. Being used to comparing all arguments against each other, this time I exactly knew what to do right away: I just listened to my own inner voice. I knew the right decision without thinking and comparing. And this decision was not an obvious one. In fact, it changed my career completely: I refused a very well paid and highly respected position. Years later, a former colleague asked me, why I had not been promoted, as everyone saw, that I was the right person. This was the outside view. But, my inner conviction was: this promotion would not bring me on my very own path.

The Struggle

However, it is difficult to take a decision which is right for yourself, while your surroundings cannot understand or not even accept.

In my case, I discovered later that I had always followed the path that I thought my parents expected from me. And it is not important whether they really did. Important was only my own unconscious conviction.

When I had started using Systemic Constellation, I had started to go my very own path, just by listening to myself. Without being aware of it, I had taken the step into the wilderness of the unknown. And I did not know where it would guide me.

Finally, it’s about becoming an Adult

So, we are not taking the red pill consciously. But with systemic constellation and time we just happen to discover the person that we always wanted to be. The famous German therapist Wilfried Nelles is convinced that every person has a life mission, as soon as we are conceived in our mother’s womb. But upon birth, we are adapting to the family system that we are born into. And slowly, our idea of a life vision is buried under the need to comply with the family that guarantees our survival.

Wilfried Nelles says that the process of becoming an adult is to rediscover our life mission from before our first birth. When we start to follow our own path, we start this discovery. It’s like a second birth. Just like a child’s birth it is very painful because we step into the darkness of an unknown world. But this time we take responsibility for ourselves. And only guide is the inner voice that says: “Yes!”.