Dislikes towards other people are strongly affecting our network of relationships. They cause tension and stop us and our organisation to thrive. So rather than ignoring them, it is wiser to use them as raw material to discover our own hidden qualities.

Do you need Coaching when we really dislike someone?

How does it feel when someone “triggers” you? You see this person or hear the name and you think:” OMG, this one again. I cannot stand her.”

In our private life, we usually can choose the people we are surrounded by. But when this happens at work, it will certainly risk affecting our work and our career in a negative way. So, coaching is one way to deal with this.

How does her Arrogance relate to me?

As probably everyone, I have known a dislike for certain people for all my life. But then, I came across Hermann Hesse saying: “If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. What isn’t part of ourselves doesn’t disturb us.” This I could not understand: It was the other person who was arrogant, or superficial, or just stupid. Not me!”

My Coaching Training gave an Answer

My eyes were opened in 2015, when I did a coaching training with Dr. Klaus Horn. There I learnt about inner personalities. In my blog about temperaments here, I talked already about inner personalities. This concept says that we are not only one distinct personality, but deep inside there is an entire team of inner personalities.

Our inner Team

This team has formed since our birth or even since our conception. And depending on the circumstances of our life, we developed different ways of interacting with our surrounding. Each way to interact would evolve into an inner personality. And, with time two or three personalities would become more dominant. Now, these are the leaders of our inner team. And these leaders can be quite tough. They can relentlessly suppress those personalities they do not like.

The Trigger

Now, guess what happens when we meet for the first time our boss, and his inner team lead is very similar to one of our suppressed inner characters?! Correct! Our inner team lead switches into high alert and we get “triggered”.

Through Coaching you learn from your dislikes

But, once you understand this, it becomes obvious how much potential lies in this situation. You have the chance to discover a part within yourself, who usually has no chance to speak up. By acknowledging it, you may grow it into a quality, and asset that was asleep inside you. And it is obvious that you need coaching with someone else. Because there is still your team lead, who will try to avoid you growing this quality. This team lead will unconsciously take over your consciousness as soon as you want to explore that hidden quality. And it will stop the process.

What can you do by yourself without coaching?

But is there something you can do without consulting a coach immediately

The 3 Self Coaching steps

• Think about the person you dislike and name his biggest shortcoming, for example Arrogance.
• Find something in this shortcoming which could be a hidden quality. In our example arrogance is just an exaggeration of confidence.
• Could it be that confidence is not your immense strength?! Then you have found a teacher: Think about the person you dislike as being just very confident. Ask yourself, what you can learn from him.

How the 3 Steps affect you

Step 3 will be very tough because your inner team leader will step in and remind you of your dislike. But it is worthwhile to do this exercise regularly because it helps you to see the other person in a different way. In addition, it makes you aware of your inner team leader. And the more you are aware, the more you are getting into control.

Coaching with ConsulToSee

If you decide to work further in this direction and uncover and develop your hidden quality, I will be happy to support you. In a first introduction in person or online, we clarify your needs and how we can work together in the most benefitting way for you.